“Let’s make our kids problem solving warriors instead of perfection worriers!”

As an OT I could bombard you with various lingo and facts on how the prevalence of children who battle with self-regulation and praxis (the skill which involves planning what to do and how to do it)are dramatically increasing. That will not mean much, but in our attempts to support you as a parent to access your understanding and give meaning, the core of the issue is that we are depriving our children of opportunities to problem solve. In a world where we as individuals, schools, families and huge corporations outsource every service, we have also created a dynamic were we as parents have outsourced the children’s problem solving. Almost all play is structured, play dates are at play centers with predetermined ways to play. Extra murals are programmes schools have outsourced that only occur at designated times. In fact from the very minute they are born we enroll them in mommy groups were there is a set song list of actions.

Don’t get me wrong, this is well dedicated time, but it shouldn’t be the only activity dedicated to engagement and play between you and your child. We have taken away playgrounds on schools, we expect adults to solve small learning opportunities to develop social skills in small misunderstandings amongst friends. Let’s not misunderstand that serious issues do need to be mediated by adults. We tell children how they should feel and how to respond to it, instead of asking them what the size of the problem is, what they feel and what they think their options are and then facilitate them choosing the best one. 

As a mom I get it, you are tired of hearing what you are doing is wrong.

So here are my suggestions. Decide when you can trade time for really taking the opportunity to teach them to learn and practice tying their shoelaces, dressing themselves and taking them to the park and play pretend worlds on the equipment. When they get stuck and want to give up, encourage them to push through and give them options of how to get unstuck instead doing it for them or deciding on the solutions for them. Help them problem solve how to move their bodies from one side of your house to the other with pretending the floor is lava or not having their feet touching the floor. Yep, this means you will too have to become creative and practice your own problem solving skills instead of you receiving a predetermined recipe to follow from teachers and therapists. When you are problem solving make your thinking out loud so they can model the skill. Turn them into problem solving warriors instead of perfection worriers. Most of all do everything with love and when you have the time for patience. You won’t get it right every time and you won’t have the time at every opportunity but when you do I promise you it will play an incredible role in your child’s brain development and more importantly it will place another brick in building their confidence and resilience. These skills are simply invaluable for any child despite their challenges, context or strengths. 

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